


kalopsia

by hyuncinth



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: 2jin - Freeform, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 02:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15720354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuncinth/pseuds/hyuncinth
Summary: Jeon Heejin never knew what love felt like until she met Kim Hyunjin; she knew that loving so much that it hurts should mean there's only room for love. But what if all you feel is pain?





	kalopsia

**Author's Note:**

> a 2jin oneshot angst
> 
> \--
> 
> i wrote this all in one sitting so please bare with me, it's pretty bad

Heejin never knew what love felt like. She wasn’t sure if she ever would, honestly. Sure, she's dated a few people to see what it was like and all her friends had some sort of relationship history; they had connected with someone else. But Jeon Heejin? 

Jeon Heejin never knew what love felt like until she met Kim Hyunjin.

 

\--

 

She can still remember the day she first met her. Stupid, really. They had met in the seclusion and quiet atmosphere of the library. It’s quite cliche, now that she thinks about it; Hyunjin had her nose in a book and had crashed into her on the way out. The vivid memory still makes her laugh every time she thinks about it. Her attraction to the other girl was so strong and she still doesn’t understand it herself. But what wasn’t there to like about Kim Hyunjin?  
  
_Kim Hyunjin was (and quite frankly, still is) the undeniable paragon of an angel._ Her voice sounded like pure heaven in a tangible form. She just had this special way with words; she knew how to make someone feel like they were the center of her entire world. Heejin had fallen hard and fast for the girl whose smile looked like it had robbed the sun of its job.

 

They started off small; fleeting glances, lingering but soft touches, the occasional smile. It was the little things that made them begin to gravitate towards each other. If you asked her to, she’s sure that she can recount all their dates by memory, tell you where all her favorite places are, and even something as trivial as how she wakes up after a nap.

 

It wasn’t until they were stargazing on the rooftop one night that she realizes how much she loves everything about the other girl sitting next to her. It’s a dumb thought but Heejin wanted to pluck the stars out of the sky and give them to her. But upon looking over, she realized that Hyunjin already had the stars in her eyes. That night ends with a kiss that feels like time had stopped at that very moment just for them and only them.

 

Their dates afterwards had gotten all the more sweet. Heejin might have had plans to study music and worked with many sounds already but she’s already decided that Hyunjin’s laugh is the most beautiful sound that the earth has ever given her the privilege of hearing. Every time she looked into her girlfriend’s eyes, she could only see the love and adoration in them (Aside from how impossibly ethereal they are, of course.)

 

\--

 

It’s around 9:45 in the evening when they enter Hyunjin’s dorm. Her roommate doesn’t seem to be here tonight and that gives them an excuse to crash on Hyunjin’s bed and cuddle. The warmth of her lover’s arms around her is enough to bring this almost safe feeling in the air. It’s a moment that she wishes could last forever. Out of habit, her eyes wander along the bedsheets until a few black smudges catch her attention.

 

It seems like Hyunjin can see what she’s looking at and chuckles, “Oops. I guess I forgot to clear that up”

 

Heejin doesn’t understand. What could she possibly talking about? It’s just eyeliner or mascara. There are a number of reasons as to why it could be there. “Jeez. You’re such a mess. Clean up after yourself when you can.” Heejin teases, rolling her eyes playfully.

 

A few moments of silence pass before what sounds like a forced chuckle escapes the other’s lips as she detaches herself from her.

 

This only seems to confuse Heejin even more. The girl turned around to look at Hyunjin with a confused expression only to be met with the very smile that never fails to make her heart swell with a warmth she could never fathom enough to be able to explain.

 

And it’s that very smile that gravitates them closer again, lips connecting in a surprisingly sweet kiss. Not that they weren’t sweet before, Hyunjin just had a tendency to be a bit rougher for whatever reason. Just when she thinks she’s falling even deeper, a foreign scent invades her nostrils. That’s enough to make her pull away for a moment. The scent was nothing like the usual bread and coffee she could usually smell/taste. In fact, it smelled more like a grapefruit or something. Whatever it was, it didn’t smell like Hyunjin.

 

She looked up at the other girl, waiting for something. Anything at all. But all Heejin could see was a blank face staring back at her. It was almost like Hyunjin _wanted_ her to notice.

 

The mascara, the perfume, the forced chuckle.

 

Everything was clicking in her mind and she didn’t want to believe it. There’s no way Hyunjin would go behind her back. They were happy, right?  
  
Seeing as Heejin’s bewildered expression wouldn’t leave her face, Hyunjin takes it upon herself to clear her throat and speak up. “This is the part where I tell you that I cheated on you.” It’s so blunt and raw. It can’t be true.

 

Heejin felt momentarily stunned but still managed to laugh. “That’s such a shitty joke.” She shook her head. There was no way that Hyunjin could ever do that to her. There was nothing wrong with their relationship.

 

But she can only wish that it’s a joke.

 

“This is the part where I tell you that I’m so sorry and that I didn’t mean to.” Hyunjin is still smiling widely as she speaks, now sitting up to look her in the eyes.

 

“This is what I look like when I listen to you talk about something so boring that it makes me want to leave the building.” No response.

 

“And this?” Hyunjin pauses for a moment, almost as If she were drinking in Heejin’s confused expression and savoring every bit of it. “This is what I look like when I tell you that I love you.”  
  
The smile that Hyunjin shows her is so bright that it’s blinding. It’s the same smile that looks like it robbed the sun of its job. The same one that makes Heejin feel like she’s the only girl in the world that matters to Hyunjin.

 

It’s the one that breaks her heart in two.

 

“ So, what was all this then? Did all of that mean nothing? ” Heejin asked in a shaky voice. She can’t even bare to look at Hyunjin anymore. It hurts too much. It feels like all the walls in the room are caving in and she’s suffocating.

 

“I _never_ loved you.” Hyunjin repeated herself in such a bored tone that it only made it hurt even more. Each word was like a stab to Heejin’s heart and it was taking every bit of willpower in her to not breakdown right there. “Did you seriously think that I actually loved you?” There’s a laugh that follows afterwards and it’s shows anything but sympathy.

 

“How dare you.” There’s a newfound sense of frustration that courses through her body. The one that makes her gaze snap up from the ground to look at Hyunjin. She can see the amusement in what she thought was her girlfriend. “Was I just a game for you? Just another girl for you to toy with?”  
  
She hoped Hyunjin would say no. That this was just a prank that had gone too far. But alas, fate was never on her side, was it?  
  
“Precisely. Good game by the way, most girls already start crying and leaving by now.”

That smug smirk on Hyunjin’s face is enough for Heejin to frown and just stare at her for a moment. Is this really the Hyunjin that always teased her but never failed to be sweet and kind? The one that gave her hoodies whenever she was cold or knew just what to say to cheer her up? Were they even the same person?  
  
“I’m sure that Jungeun will be happy to hear that we’ve cleared things. Or was her name Chaewon?”

 

The sound of a slap echoes throughout the dorms and all she can do is feel numb as she backs off. “I hope I never fucking see you ever again, Kim Hyunijn.”

 

Those are the last words she says to the other girl before briskly heading to open the door. But just as she leaves, Hyunjin just had to say something.  
  
_“Make sure to get home tonight safely, it's cold outside.”_

It's absolutely disgusting how Hyunjin can pretend to care after all the damage she's done.

 

The door slams shut and she quite literally wills herself to walk away and exit the campus. The air outside is cold and it’s fitting. Kim Hyunjin had weaved her name onto her soul with a needle and thread before ripping it all out just like that, leaving fresh wounds that would soon become scars. With each step, Heejin felt like she was reliving every single one of their memories together. It's no surprise that the tears already have begun to fall.

It  _hurts._

It hurts because she can still see that shining smile she had grown so accustomed to. (She can still feel Hyunjin's arms around her and giving off that warmth she could never get enough of.)

It hurts because now that she really looks at her wardrobe, she's even wearing one of Hyunjin's old hoodies. 

It hurts because Heejin loved Hyunjin so much that her chest felt like it was about to explode.

It hurts because Hyunjin did something that no one else could do; she made her feel like the world was in bright and vivid colors.

  
Hyunjin had brought a light that shines in every aspect of her life, from stupid TV shows to just watching the cars go by on the streets. 

 

Simple things. It's _always_ been just the simple things. 

 

 

She hates how she can still feel how smug her  _ex_ -girlfriend is despite how quickly her voice had changed back to the one she always used when they talked right before she left. They were far from each other now considering the distance she walked. However, the soft, almost angelic voice that produced words that sounded like the sweetest honey still lingered in her ears.

 

_But even salt looks like sugar._

 

_And angels will always have their wicked schemes,_

 

_Because even Lucifer was once a beautiful angel too._

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me :') 
> 
> \--  
> twitter: hyunscroissant  
> curious cat: sanatozakism


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